By @Redgameracer
Author’s Note: This has probably been done before. It’s probably complete and utter nonsense. But it’s Friday, so who cares. Enjoy!
We all have many loves in live. The wife and kids, holidays, sports, you name it. They are excellent things to enjoy and love on their own, but combining them can make it extra special. Colour me crazy, but I like going on holiday with the wife and kids. People I love doing a thing I love together, Makes me all warm and fuzzy inside. How on earth does that relate to my post, I hear you ask? Simple, I’m going to combine two other things I love. Race horses and football. I’m going to craft a football team based on the characteristics of certain race horses. Madness, I know, but let’s give it a shot anyway.
The formation
In order to determine what sort of qualities we need, we’ll need to lay out a basic formation. Being Dutch, I’m won’t be going for the Old British 4-4-2 with a big man and a little man up top. That doesn’t work for me, I like something a bit more interesting. But we’ll stick with four at the back, with two central midfielders in front of them. Further up front, a winger on either side and #10 tucked in behind the striker. Call it 4-2-3-1, with plenty of attacking ability on display. I’d rather win a game 3-2 than 1-0 after all.
Goalkeeper
I like a goalkeeper to be experienced and reliable. Solid and unspectacular is what we are going for here, with years of experience at the highest level. Put those together and only one name comes out of the hat. Mick Channon’s Somersby. He has eight consecutive appearances at the highest level of jumps racing, the Cheltenham Festival, always gives you a run for your money without being spectacular and has an excellent record. Seven wins and eighteen places from 41 starts is just the sort of form I’d like to see in a reliable goalkeeper.
Right back
A tricky place to fill, because the right back will need stamina and pace. He needs to be relied upon to always give a good showing, even if he fails to quite make the highest grade. He’ll also need to be able to cover the right winger (for reasons details in that position) so we need a solid pick here. Djakadam is the one I’ve gone for. He has shown plenty of ability, but hasn’t quite lived up to the billed potential. He’s more of a slogger, a hard worker who can do a job and not let you down, but it’s hard to see him shine like some of the superstars of the game.
Centre Back 1 - Man marker
This guy has one job, pure and simple. He has to neutralise the opposition striker by any means necessary. I like a big, strong man for this role, who doesn’t care if he goes over or through who or what is in front of him. The sort of player Nemanja Vidic was in his prime. The horse I really fancy for this position is a true giant, with plenty of winning form in the book. Malcolm Jefferson’s Cyrus Darius never showed any respect to his hurdles, winning all three of his races over timber by either jumping or flattening the obstacles. He did the same over the taller obstacles when a narrow winner on debut. He is big and strong and although currently out with injury, I expect him to be back fully fit and raring to go next season.
Centre Back 2 - Ball player
If one of my defenders is the ‘hard man’, then the other has to be the silky and elegant ball player. Mix a bit of Rio Ferdinand, with Ledley King and Franco Baresi and you’ll get what I mean. Always in the right position, never out of place. Never hurried or looking frazzled, but instead oozing supreme confidence in his own abilities. Doesn’t often have to get out of second gear, but when he does, he always catches his man. If Cyrus Darius is the ultimate hardman, then Douvan has to partner him at the back. I don’t think we’ve really seen how good he is, but everything he does looks easy and by that reckoning he’s the ultimate silky defender.
Left back
Having played as a left back for many years myself, I know it takes a slightly nutty player to do the job. Someone who always goes at 110%, whether it’s a training ground kick about or a cup final. A player with huge enthusiasm and courage, but both of those traits can sometimes cause his downfall because he’s flying into everything. The most likely player for that role then, is Un De Sceaux. A true mad bastard, he doesn’t do anything by halves. It may strike fear into the opponents to see him charging in as long as he doesn’t fly in two footed and is off by half time!
Central Midfield - Ball Winner
Forgive me the pun, but this position is suited for a workhorse. A crucial part in the team, the player in this role is a hard worker. Often underrated by the general public, but highly regarded by those in the know and more so by those around him whose dirty work he does. Despite having won six Grade Ones and still being only a six year old, Nichols Canyon is to my view still hugely underrated. He is the only one to have beaten Faugheen, yet never seems to get the credit he deserves. A tough and hard working sort of type, he is the ideal midfield breaker.
Central Midfield - Play Maker
If Nichols Canyon is to be the breaker, we need a creative type along side him. The deep-lying playmaker. Often a player that gets better with age, experience plays a huge part in this position. He’s the sort that merrily plugs along for years, then hits his late twenties or early thirties and suddenly everyone realises how good he actually is. And when that happens, he quickly catapults to the global stage, amongst the absolute very best in the game. The prime example in footballing terms is of course Andrea Pirlo, but if we’re talking horses then there can only be one. Cue Card. Having soon promise in his early years, he seemed destined to be a nearly man until a breathing operation announced him to the world as one of the top staying chasers.
Right Winger
In theory wingers should be fairly interchangeable in this system. That is to say, they should be able to operate on either side. However, I’m going to pick them specifically with one side in mind. A winger obviously needs pace and technique and a little bit of flair. They are often the fans favourites for their ability to do something extraordinary. They are also plagued by injury sometimes and that I why I have chosen Sprinter Sacre on the right wing. Having made a brilliant return from injury this year in winning the Queen Mother Champion Chase, he for many people epitomises all that is great about National Hunt racing. A true fans’ favourite, with plenty of pace and an excellent technique, he fits just fine for this position. He is also part of the reason for my right back selection, with Djakadam able to cover any troubles that our star might have.
Left Winger
The selection on the left has to fulfil the same criteria as the right winger with one added notation. With Un De Sceaux in behind, the left winger may have to do plenty of back tracking in order to cover our Gung-Ho left back. Thistlecrack then is the perfect choice. Still one with plenty of speed and pace and great technique for jumping, he has the added bonus of a ton of stamina in order to track back and help out his left back.
#10
The number ten position is that of the absolute superstar. He doesn’t like to train or work out. He’s the type to shuffle around the training pitch with a fag in his mouth, cursing his teammates for not giving him the ball at his feet. But at the same time, put him out on the pitch in a match and everything changed. He’s gifted with incredible amounts of natural talent and will use that to devastating effect at the biggest stage of all. He is the poster boy for the game and everyone loves him. Vautour fits all the criteria. A horse of incredible talent, who comes alive at the biggest stage of all, Cheltenham. But he can be hard to train and doesn’t show himself to his best effect until out on the greatest stage.
Striker
With only one striker in the team, he has to be devastatingly good. He has to be the complete package of pace, technique and strength. One who very rarely misses his targets and seldom gets beaten. A machine if you like. Faugheen then is the answer. Quite possibly still the best over the two mile hurdle trip, he has everything that you’d want to see. Only ever beaten once, he has the supreme ability to defeat his markers with devastating effect. If you’re going to rely on someone to win you games, Faugheen’s your man.
The full Jumps XI:
GK: Somersby
DR: Djakadam
DC: Cyrus Darius
DC: Douvan
DL: Un De Sceaux
MC: Nichols Canyon
MC: Cue Card (C)
AMR: Thistlecrack
#10: Vautour
AML: Sprinter Sacre
ST: Faugheen
And there you have it. The @Redgameracer Jumps XI. I’m sure there’s some controversial selections and some obvious omissions, so if you think you can do better, send me your XI, either by leaving a comment or tweeting me @redgameracer.
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